MWPP & Friends VS Snape & Friends
by VioletClaire
Summary: My friends Cynda, Ann, Mimi, and I read A Toadlicker a goth and a mommas boy and decided to write a humor fick w/ us in it
1. Sexy Sevie, Lucious Lou, and uh . . . mo...

"So what house do you want to be in?" asked James Potter. "I want to be in Gryffindor!"  
"Me too!" shouted Sirius, Dasani, lily, Remus, and Cynda.   
Even though the 6 had only met 3 hours ago, they had become great friends. Just then, the door slid open. "I want to be in Slytherin!" Standing in the doorway was a blonde boy wearing a pink polo shirt and khakis.   
Everyone stared.  
"I'm Lucius Malfoy, but my friends call me Lucious Lou."  
"Like, Hi!" said Lily. Lily was a tall redhead with green eyes, and always dressed in some skimpy miniskirt and tube-top.   
"Do you want to see a picture of my mother? I miss her so very much!" Lucius burst into tears.  
"I'm sorry. How'd she die?" asked Dasani. She didn't seem as sorry as she did interested in what finished his mother off.  
"She's not dead! I just miss her so much!" Lucius wailed.  
As Lily went to comfort their new friend `Lucious Lou', she and Lucius were shoved aside by the opening door. On all fours came a shaking boy with black hair and orange eyes. Everyone stared as he sniffed madly around the compartment, Lucius even stopped wailing about his mother.  
"Uh, what are you doing?" asked James.  
"Fee Fi Foe Fum, I smell the blood of a WOLFIE MAN!"  
Remus glanced around nervously. "Who are you? What do you know? Who's your source?" Remus demanded.   
Everyone stared.  
"I am Tom. Tom Riddle, but my friends call me moT." He giggled frighteningly on the floor.  
"What about my other questions!"  
"I know that I like to suck on Werewolf fur," he began to drool, as though remembering a delicious food. " I moT, ma ym own ecruos!"  
Everyone stared.  
Once again the door slid open. This time it was a blonde girl with green eyes and a pale yellow sweater draped around her shoulders.   
"Hi, I'm Ann!"  
"Hi," everyone said back. Dasani wondered what problem this Ann had.  
"So, what houses do you all want to be in? I personally hope to be in Hufflepuff!"  
Everyone stared.  
"Ewwwww!"  
"Like, Oh My!" shouted Lily  
"Hufflepuff?!"  
"Can you say, `Loser'" scoffed James.  
Sirius however was doubled up in laughter.  
Everyone stared.  
"What? Isn't she joking?" his mouth dropped open when he realized she was 100% serious.  
"Well, Hufflepuff is nice, but come to Slytherin with me instead!" Lucius's lip quivered. "You kind of look like my mother when she was our age! Oh, how I miss her!" Lucius burst into tears again.  
"Oh My! Are you okay?" asked Ann sincerely.  
"It's j-just that I m-miss her s-s-so m-much!"  
"Aww, sweedie!" Ann hugged him. Dasani rolled her eyes and muttered, "It's not like she's dead!" to Sirius.  
The next moment the door swung open yet again.  
In strode a cute boy with short black hair, and a shirt that had his picture on it that said, "Sexy Sevie" on it.  
"What is going on in here?" He said eyeing Ann and Lucius.  
"Like, Hi!" said Lily, standing up to hug him.  
"I'm Severus Snape, but my friends call me Sexy Sevie!"  
Before they knew it, they were stuck in their compartment accompanied by 2 others. One was Peter Pettigrew, a short, fat boy, who constantly had his finger jammed up his nose. And the other was Mimi Shnavacheck, who kept muttering "Goosemuffin" under her breath.   
Sirius was stuck with Dasani on top of him. Dasani's head was pressed up against the window. James was on the floor with Lily's foot in his face. Lily kept having to crane her neck away from Peter, who now took to examining the `treasures' was pulling from his nose. Cynda was squished between `moT' and Remus.   
The compartment was very uncomfortable, but no one could get out. It would have been a very funny sight if it hadn't been so unbearable. Dasani kept smacking Sirius's hand that kept reaching for her butt. Sirius said "Owww!" every time he got his hand hit. Peter exclaimed "Ohhhh, look at that one!" each time he pulled out another `treasure'. Lily said "Like, Ewwww!" every time he did it, which was like every 2 seconds. Tom kept trying to suck on Remus's hair, Cynda was trying to stop him, and James was complaining about Lily's foot odor (I, like, so like do not have smelly like feet!). Lucius was still wailing to Ann about his mother, and Severus kept singing I'm Too Sexy.   
When the train stopped, they were relieved. They did get to meet their new professors though. It took Hagrid, Professor McGonagall, Professor Dumbledore, and Madam Pomfrey to get them out of the compartment.   
  



	2. Shirley {Temples} it's the Wolfyman Hair

1 Chapter 2-Surley it's the Wolfyman Hair  
  
Everybody got into the house they wanted. Gryffindor's new students were James, Lily, Remus, Cynda, Sirius, Peter, and Mimi. Of course, moT, Dasani, Lucius, and Severus were put into Slytherin. And by some odd reason, Ann also got sorted into Slytherin, yet that might just have been the werewolf hair that moT had slipped the hat before he got off the stool. They all became great friends, despite the Gryffindor/  
  
Slytherin rivalry.  
  
It was now 4th year, and Easter Break, and everyone but Lucius had decided to stay, he missed his mum, too much to be away from her any longer. This however, was a plus, because he hadn't stopped crying about her since he came back from Christmas Holiday. James, Sirius, and Remus were very mischievous, and had found 5 exits into Hogsmeade from the school so far. That day when James, Sirius, and Remus were going on their daily trip to the kitchens, moT decided that he wanted to go too.  
  
"Dude, hurry! " said Sirius.  
  
"Yeah, dude!" said James.  
  
"I deen ot teg emos flowerew riah!" said moT (A/N: If you haven't caught on already, moT says his words backwards.)  
  
"Yeah, whatever moT!" Remus said rather coldly. Remus never really got as friendly with moT as the rest of the group; their first meeting on the train still bothered him a bit.  
  
moT came down the stairs in a long black watch-salesman type of coat. Everyone stared. "stel og!  
  
Sirius, James, and Remus exchanged puzzled glances. The four headed to the kitchens. "Hello masters! Would you like Dinky to get you something to eat?"  
  
"DUDE!"  
  
2 "DUDE"  
  
"DUDE" (A/N: When the "Dudes" say the exact same thing, I'm going to color code it. Sirius = Green, Remus = Blue, and James = Red)  
  
At this, Remus, Sirius, and James did a sort of three-way chest bump. Little did they know what moT was doing on the other side of the kitchen . . .  
  
"So, what's your name, sweet cheeks?" moT said to a middle-aged house elf. "Me is Meabe!" she said blushing furiously.  
  
"So, how long has it been since you've had yourself a good time?" at this, he stroked the side of her cheek.  
  
"Well, Meabe made breakfast this morning!"  
  
Tom laughed. "You call that a good time? I'm sure that a hot momma like yourself could do better than that!" Meabe looked curious. "And I know just the thing to give you a good time!" Meabe goggled at him. Tom ripped open his coat to reveal many chunks of hair varying in shades of brown stuck to the inside of the coat.  
  
"What the hell is that?!" shouted Meabe and suddenly clapped her hand to her mouth. "Me is sorry! Meabe is a very bad elf!" She reached to grab a water jug, but moT grabbed it away from her.  
  
"This is werewolf hair, m'dear! Just suck on it for a second and you'll get a high like no other!" He started to laugh his head of at this.  
  
"Ohhhh!" many other house elves were looking interestedly at the hair. They exchanged glances, and at once they all jumped on him and began to tear and get to the werewolf hair.  
  
Sirius, Remus, and James, who had nicknamed themselves the "Dudes" Decided it was time to go. That night, the guys and the girls went down to dinner, only to find the Hall in chaos. It looked like some sort of riot. The Slytherins were breaking plates and throwing the broken bits at everyone except the Ravenclaws (they tended to get along with them), the Ravenclaws were stomping on their tables in protest, The Gryffindors were throwing their silverware at the Slytherins, and the Hufflepuffs were crying.  
  
"Attention Students!" called Dumbledore. Every one quieted down. "There will be no dinner tonight." The riot broke out again. Dumbledore set off a sort of firework and everyone stopped. He continued, "The house-elves took a trip, if you know what I mean." said Dumbledore. moT jumped onto the Slytherin table and screamed! "tahT saw em! eheheheheH!" his eyes were the same orange color that they had been on the train ride to Hogwarts.  
  
Everyone stared.  
  
Dumbledore rolled his eyes and signaled the men in white suits. They grabbed moT and injected him with something. moT sat back down with a glazed look on his face. "Everyone go back to your common rooms!" shouted Dumbledore.  
  
"Dude! No dinner! This sucks!" said Sirius  
  
"Yeah, dude!" said James  
  
"Dude!" said Remus  
  
3 "Hey Dudes! I've got an idea!" said Sirius  
  
"What?" After discussing their plan, Sirius walked over to the Slytherin common room (All the Slytherins knew the Gryffindor password, and vice versa.) And Remus and James strode over to the Gryffindor girls.  
  
Dasani was talking to Sexy Sevie. When Sirius saw this he said (A/N: Brace yourself), "Dude, move!"  
  
Sevie said, "Oh Sirius, I'm sorry!"  
  
"Hey Dude-I-mean-Dasani," said Sirius.  
  
"Hi Sirius," said Dasani. "Wow Sirius! How'd you get so muscley and tall? Hell, you look like a 7th year!"  
  
" Umm . . . That's a secret."  
  
"You used an age potion didn't you!" Dasani might have been pretty below average in common sense, but she was very smart when it came to anything else.  
  
"Uh . . . No?" Dasani raised an eyebrow, but Sirius continued. " What I came to ask you was: Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me tonight?"  
  
"That depends," she stood up, "You've been a bad boy Sirius, I mean, breaking the rules and all." Dasani looked over her shoulders to make sure no one was listening, "I'll go if you give me some of the Age Potion you used."  
  
Sirius blinked a couple of times and then said, "Uh Uh Uh, sure Dasani." Apparently, even though she was only 5' 2", she was pretty intimidating.  
  
Meanwhile:  
  
"Hey Dude-I-mean-Cynda," said Remus nervously  
  
"Hey Remus."  
  
"Wann go Hog-meade wi me?"  
  
Cynda giggled and blushed. "Jeepers Remus, I've never been asked out before!"  
  
"S-so you're going to go right?"  
  
"Of course! Remus, it's probably just me, but, you look," she paused, "older."  
  
"Uh, yeah. I . . .uh . . .I'm probably just growing." He flashed her a goofy grin and shrugged.  
  
Cynda blushed again and smiled back, "See you later then."  
  
Meanwhile:  
  
"Hey Mimi!" said Peter. "Did it hurt?" Mimi gave him an odd stare. "When you fell from Heaven?" (A/N: Can't you see Peter using pickup lines?)  
  
"Goosemuffin!"  
  
"I'm going to kill James! He said that worked every time!" he mumbled. "Right, I guess I'll take the blunt approach. So, er...do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me tonight? I mean, I thought that maybe you might be hungry since we had no dinner and you might be craving a um...Goosemuffin...so..."  
  
"Goosemuffin!"  
  
"I'll take that as a yes"  
  
Meanwhile:  
  
James had a little more difficulty that the other boys. It wasn't that Lily didn't want to go with him, but the problem lied more in where he could find her. He walked halfway around the school when he bumped into Sirius. Sirius was grinning from ear to ear, his shock had obviously turned into delight.  
  
"Hey Dude!"  
  
"Hey Dude."  
  
4 "Dude, what's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing," he said as he kicked a random house elf.  
  
"Whooooo Dude! Did Lily dump you?"  
  
"Dude, we were never going out. And now we probably never will because I can't find her to ask her to Hogsmeade tonight."  
  
"Dude! You're an idiot! You should have known! Remember last year when we got in trouble when you made us stalk Lily? Do you remember where she was half of the time?"  
  
"Dude! How stupid am I?"  
  
"Well I'd say -"  
  
"Don't answer that, Dude," James said as he ran off to the Library.  
  
In the Library:  
  
5 "Hey Lily!"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Ms. Evans! This is a Library!" shouted Madam Pince.  
  
"Like James! I thought that Professor like Dumbledore told you to like stop stalking me! Like ohmigod! You were like in the bathroom when I like took a shower weren't you?"  
  
"Uh no. Hey do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me and everyone else?"  
  
"Hmmm . . . sure, I guess so."  
  
The "dudes" went and told the plan to moT and Severus. Severus ended up going with Narcissa, and moT had asked Ann.  
  
This is how it went: "yeH nnA!"  
  
"Oh, hello Tom. I was just reading about Hufflepuff House. You know, it has been 4 years, and I still wish I was in Hufflepuff. Do you think the Sorting Hat made a mistake?"  
  
"oD ouy tanw ot og ot edaemsgoH htiw em?" Ann looked puzzled. "tahW m'I gniyrt ot yas...si...od uoy...re..."  
  
"Oh Tom! Are you trying to ask me out on a date?"  
  
"aY"  
  
"Well, I'm not really supposed to date until I'm 18, but I'm sure my mother would be okay with me dating you. I mean you're a nice, responsible young boy, who would never get involved in anything illegal or," she grimaced, "drugs!" she shuddered at the last words. moT looked like she had sprouted another head.  
  
"hA erus, revetahw! eeS uoy thginot!"  
  
That night:  
  
"So, what can I get you all?" said the Madame Rosmerta.  
  
"Uh, Vodka!?" said Sirius.  
  
Rosmerta gave him a suspicious look, then said, "One vodka. So what do you want?"  
  
"flowerew riah!" shouted moT  
  
Everyone stared. Every one in the whole bar.  
  
"yrroS" he apologized.  
  
"A margarita." said Dasani. As she had asked, Sirius had given her some age potion, she also looked at least 17.  
  
"Shirley Temple!" said Cynda. She teetered on her chair and then shouted, "On the rocks!"  
  
Everyone stared.  
  
"What?!" said Cynda "You heard me. I mean if you don't want yours on the rocks then that's just fine and dandy, but that's how I want mine! Okay?!" Everyone else ordered Shirley Temples, except for Sexy Sevie, who ordered Tequila.  
  
4 hours later:  
  
Dasani and Sirius were off kissing in the next both. Lily had passed out and James was hanging over the both that Dasani and Sirius were, saying, "Wooo Hoooo". Ann was dancing on the table with while having moT stuff werewolf hair into her mouth. Sevie was also on the table, but this time he was doing a strip tease while singing "I'm too Sexy" again. Cynda was pounding her fist on the table yelling "Just one more round Remie! Just one more!" It's amazing what Shirley Temples can do to people.  
  
The next morning:  
  
"Sirius, what the hell did we do last night?" asked Dasani, who was back into her 14-year-old body. They were still in the pub. One by one, they all woke up. If they were surprised to see that they were still in the pub, it was nothing compared to when Ann woke up.  
  
"yeH syug! erA ew llits ni ereh?" moT bolted up.  
  
"annA! annA! " They all staggered out of the Three Broomsticks, Dasani gripping Sirius's shoulder, James carrying Lily, and moT and annA crawling on the floor nipping at Remus's heels. They stopped though, after Remus kicked annA in the face.  
  
***  
  
A/N: First of all, I'm very very sorry for not updating for a while. The sad truth was that I had this chapter since July I think, only it was on my I Mac upstairs that doesn't have internet connection so . . . Alright, I want to thank Larissa Hahn, go read her story "When Love Goes Missing" very very good! I also wanna thank my neat-o buddy Cynda Lupin, who helped a TON with this, it would not be possible without her (and yes I'll add more Cynda into the story). Amanda THE Mighty for reviewing, and making a funny funny credit card spoofie thingie for Sexy Sevie. And Shayla Black for reviewing.  
  
Future Chapters:  
  
QUIDDITCH!! We get to see the guys, (and a couple of girls) play, and a quidditch cheerleader! Mwhahahaha I think that I'm the first (or one of the few) who have had that in a ficcy. I wonder who it will be. Hmm I also might add a new character, only perhaps though! Hehehehehe! If you have any ideas for this story, or want to contact me, you can at : hermione_radcliff@hotmail.com 


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